The Memories of a Depressed Woman

She walks to the front door and takes a deep breath. "Today WILL be a good day", she whispers to herself. Her hand shakes as she turns the knob, but she gathers enough courage to walk through the door. There are people everywhere and she has no clue where to go. She needs to find Storm; she needs to fit in. She walks aimlessly, running into people unintentionally, knowing she can spot his light brown hair from anywhere. "Where is he?" she asks quietly. She spots him and gets closer. His arm is around another girl. That was the same arm that once held her closely and caressed her face gently. This was the arm that won basketball games and could give her a sense of security. She was taken aback, what is he doing? He seems to look at her but then smiles at the girl in his arms. He tickles her side like he used to do to her. She was angry; she reached out to touch the girl but someone knocked her back. She got up and slowly reached out to Storm. When she touched him, his smile grew dark and he whispered into her ear "We are done Em, you should get it by now, leave me alone."

He was her best friend. Every night, she dreamed of him. He was hers, yet she lost him, in more ways than one. She drove to his house and walked through the door which was wide open. The house seemed empty, which was abnormal. She called his phone and followed his ringtone up the stairs to the bathroom. She knocked, but no one answered, so she slowly opened the door. Her eyes opened wide for what she saw shocked her. He was laying there, that perfect boy, in a tub filled with red water. She leaned over the tub as a tear ran down her face. She lifted his arm and there were cuts so deep that his bone was clearly visible.

Her mind flashes back and she has a knife in her hand. The tub is filled with water and her face is streaked with makeup. What was she about to do?

A week later her mind is still racing. She had been "in love" for almost a year. The communication had been rare but when they had talked, it was amazing. He had slowly slid out of her life until he had become M.I.A.

She lived in the depths of an abyss also known as the abyss of being alone. No one could pull her out, not even those who truly loved her. She dwelled in the past and it hurt her.

She sunk deeper in the abyss into depression, which she had experienced before. This time, however, she sunk deeper than before. She was at the bottom of the abyss, and no one noticed.

She sits alone, tears cover her face. She already felt invisible. After senior year started, everyone seemed to ditch her. Her friends hated her, although they don't show it. Even Storm left her at the beginning of the year. Her parents had been too hard on her and now she sits alone.

Even before this year, she hated herself. She thought she was fat and ugly. She thought she would never be good enough. She realizes she is worthless, and she attempts to end her life.

As she places the razor on her skin, she wondered if it would hurt as bad as a knife. She dug deep and sliced her skin open. There was more blood than before and a lot of pain, but she didn't care.

Fifteen cuts for each year she had lived. Thirty cuts for the friends that had left her. She silently prayed for forgiveness and laid in the water.

At age eighty-three, she looks back on her life and the events that had happened. She remembers at age five how she ran away to her neighbors house. She thinks about her first boyfriend and how badly he had hurt her when he broke her heart. She remembers the horrible deeds she did to her body afterward. Looking at the picture of her husband, she realizes how deeply she misses him. She thinks about her high school graduation, oh how her parents had cried! She remembers clearly the day she was married, as well as the birth of her beautiful daughter, Amira. She can remember the day each of her parents had died and how she cried for weeks. She remembers watching Amira grow up. Her graduation, her first heartbreak and much more. She sees herself as an accomplished woman, but she also sees her past as depressing. She has many regrets, but she is happy now.

Now in a hospital bed with Alzheimer's, she is elated to be able to remember her life. She sees her husband as clear as day and he takes her hand. He gently pulls her through her last breath and into the light.